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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26797969">There's no place like home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehe_im_Walde/pseuds/Rehe_im_Walde'>Rehe_im_Walde</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Paul and Richard - the teen years [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rammstein</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic Violence, M/M, Misunderstandings, Teen Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:20:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26797969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehe_im_Walde/pseuds/Rehe_im_Walde</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sven Kruspe (later known as Richard Zven Kruspe) and Paul Hiersche (later known as Paul Landers) spent a happy weekend together at a gig with Paul's band Feeling B.<br/>After returning home from the weekend, happiness unfortunately doesn't last long..</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Richard Kruspe/Paul Landers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Paul and Richard - the teen years [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Letters unsent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story takes place in august 1983</p>
<p>(The characters are, ofcourse, their own and not mine. All thoughts and conversations are fictional.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Dear Paul,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope you are well, and that Flake and the other guys of Feeling B are too. I'm sorry I didn't write to you since we met at Hiddensee. I wanted to, but I didn't know what to write. My parents weren't happy when I got back home...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Sven sighed.<br/>
He was sitting in his bedroom at the desk, attempting not for the first time in the past weeks to write a letter to his friend Paul in Berlin. There was so much he wanted to tell Paul, but everytime he wanted to write it down, it looked stupid on paper.</p><p>Another sigh..<br/>
He remembered the ride home on the train from Hiddensee, how happy he had been, happier than he ever remembered being. He had felt warm and glowing just thinking about the weekend with Paul, the things they had done, everything they talked about. Sven had felt himself smile all the way back to Schwerin, butterflies in his stomache.<br/>
Even on the walk back home from the station, he had felt on top of the world, excited to tell his family about this wonderful world he had seen, bubbling over with his own plans for the future that he had thought about on the way back.</p><p>It hadn't lasted long.<br/>
He'd only made it two steps into the hallway when his stepdad spotted the earring in the ear that Paul had pierced.<br/>
Sven had often seen the guy angry, but the earring had triggered rage of a whole other level. He had hardly seen the fist coming before it hit him on the head, Sven had felt the earring snap open and tear out of his earlobe, followed by another couple of hits that had left him reeling.<br/>
He had managed to dodge away and run to his mum, hoping to find protection with her, but she had just shaken her head at him "We are trying so hard for you to be a decent, well-behaved boy, but everytime you disappoint us like this. Sven! An earring! What would the neighbours say if they saw it.."<br/>
Startled at her response, maybe even more than at the beating, Sven hadn't known what to say and had stormed upstairs to his bedroom, where he pretty much had been ever since, only allowed out for going to wrestling practice and school, luckily that had started again by now, so he at least could get away some hours of the day.</p><p>He looked in the small mirror hanging above the desk, turning his head a bit to the side to look at the bruises on his cheek and temple. They had started to turn yellow by now, having been various shades of black and blue over the last weeks.The cut in his ear where the earring had been was almost healed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>... The earring you gave me is gone. I guess it was stupid of me to think it wouldn't matter if I had an earring. It seemed like a good idea when we were on the island, but here it's nothing like it was on Hiddensee. Maybe I shouldn't have gone home after all, and gone with you to Berlin..</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ugh..<br/>
Every time he had started a letter in the past weeks, it ended up like that. <br/>
He wished he had stayed with Paul and his fun punk friends, where life was a party and everybody was in a good mood. But he didn't want Paul to worry, or to feel obligated in having him come to Berlin. <br/>
Paul had a busy life with his new band and spent every minute of his days with it. From the letters that Sven received, the band quickly gained fame in the unofficial musicscene in the country. They were invited to play on more and more gigs. He figured there would be no room in their lives for another person hanging around, who couldn't even play an instrument.</p><p>"Sven! Come down here at once, the chores aren't doing themselves!"</p><p>Sven crumpled up the piece of paper and crammed it in his backpack with the rest of the half-finished but never-sent letters, ready to be destroyed later when he had found a good way to do it. The first unsent letter he had tried to destroy by setting it on fire in the wastepaperbasket, but when his stepfather had smelt the smoke, it had earned him another beating.</p><p>"SVEN! Don't make me come up there, or you know what'll happen!"<br/>
"Coming, coming.."</p><p>================================================================================</p><p>"Paul, do you want scrambled eggs or sausages?"<br/>
"Both.."<br/>
Paul looked up at Feeling B drummer Kriening who did the cooking today at Aljoscha's house.<br/>
Although Paul officially lived at home with his mom and dad, in reality, aside from going to job-training, he spent most of his time at Aljoscha's place that doubled as Feeling B's practice room. The band, including Paul's long time friend Flake, and a various mixture of their friends and acquiantances, usually spread around the house, finding a favorite place to hang, chat and do their own stuff and then meet again in the living room-slash-kitchen in the middle of the house.<br/>
Encouraged by the succes of having youngsters Paul and Flake join the band, Aljoscha and Kriening had started to invite more youngsters over, some to see if they could be added to the band as well, some mainly because they were fun or particularly decorative.</p><p>"Today's letter already finished?"<br/>
Kriening chuckled and looked at Paul. Aljoscha and him occassionally teased Paul with his regular letters to his friend Sven (Richard, as they usually referred to him, since they had seen that name on the envelop's address).<br/>
"No."<br/>
Paul frowned.<br/>
He was indeed sitting in his usual writing corner on a beanbag, but today he was still looking at a blank piece of paper.<br/>
Sven and him had met up at a band gig on Hiddensee a few weeks ago, and had become even closer there than they were before.<br/>
Paul had been in high spirits when he returned to Berlin and that very same evening wrote a long letter to Sven, recalling all the fun things they had done and what he hoped they'd do again in the future. He had even used the 'L-word' and meant it.</p><p>When at first no letter came in response, he wasn't fased, and hadn't really thought about it, instead continued to write a letter every other day, and a long one in the weekend describing every new adventure and gig the band played with colorful descriptions.<br/>
The band took up much of his time anyway and both he and Flake were also trying to give writing new songs a go, so mostly he was too occupied to worry.</p><p>After a week there still was no reaction from Sven.<br/>
When he had expressed a hint of worry about it to Aljoscha, the singer had pointed out that the postoffice was probably just slow at delivering and not to think twice about it.<br/>
So again Paul didn't worry.<br/>
But then two weeks had passed without a sign of life from Schwerin.<br/>
Paul himself had still written, but his letters had become shorter and farther between.</p><p>In the house that was always filled with people, pretty soon the others had figured out as well that no mail for Paul had arrived in a while, but no one had dared bring it up.<br/>
And today's mail made no difference.<br/>
While everybody in the house settled down in the livingroom with a plate of food on their knees, Kriening's newest drumming-apprentice came in from the end of his school-day, bringing the mail from the frontdoormat.<br/>
This new guy, Christoph, handed the various letters and cards around, then grabbed his dinner and sat down heavily on the beanbag next to Paul, making him almost bounce off onto the floor.<br/>
Paul was annoyed at the kid, who was the same age as Flake but noticably more muscular, and in Paul's opinion a lot dumber: "Hey watch it!"<br/>
Christoph had just stuffed a whole sausage in his mouth and only managed a spluttering "oops..sorry..".<br/>
"I didn't ask you to sit here you know.."<br/>
"Leave Christoph alone Paul, he didn't do it on purpose" <br/>
"Well, why doesn't he sit with you then, he's your new guinea pig" Paul glared at Kriening, annoyed at his food having half bounced of his plate and Kriening sticking up for this new kid, who in Paul's opinion would probably be history again in a few days "..and tell him drummers are called by their last name around here anyway..so he'll be 'Schneider' from now on."<br/>
Christoph blushed and got up to sit on a couch across the room, leaving Paul feeling vindicated, but still with a growing feeling of annoyance.</p><p>Aljoscha looked at Paul, and as the guitarist opened his mouth to direct a new snark at the new kid intervened "Leave it Paul, it's not his fault that you got no mail".<br/>
Now it was Paul's turn to blush, which only hightened his annoyance at Aljoscha being able to read him that well.<br/>
Most of the others wisely stayed out of the exchange, knowing full well by now that an annoyed Paul was best left to his own devices to cool off.<br/>
Christoph looked around the group and naively figured some smalltalk would lighten the situation "So.." he turned to Paul while gobbling the next spoon of eggs "..what mail were you expecting then?"<br/>
"None of your business.."<br/>
Now Kriening had enough of Paul's attitude "It's from Paul's boyfriend, he hasn't mailed him since they made out on Hiddensee."<br/>
Instantly all the others stopped eating, some with a fork or spoon halfway between plate and mouth, and all turned to look at Paul.<br/>
Paul glared at Kriening.<br/>
New guy Christoph blushed again, that was the last thing he had expected "Oh..eh..okay.."<br/>
Now Paul directed his glare to Christoph, silently daring him to continue talking.<br/>
Unfortunately Christoph didn't catch the hint in his attempt to appear cool with it "..so eh..do you think he stopped mailing you *because* you made out..?"</p><p>Now Paul was ready to attack the new kid, but uncharacteristically Flake and Aljoscha were quicker than him. <br/>
They both jumped up, grabbed Paul by an arm each and dragged him out of the room.<br/>
"Let it go Paul, you'll hear from Sven again some day.." <br/>
Paul wasn't ready to let his annoyance subside "How would you know that?".<br/>
Flake usually preferred to stay out of the way when Paul was in a mood like this, but realized he had little choice now "Well.. you did write for over two years didn't you..maybe he's just really busy.."<br/>
"He could have sent a card then if he's so busy, couldn't he.." all Paul's hidden frustration at not hearing from Sven surfaced "..what if that Schneider-kid is right.."<br/>
Now Aljoscha had enough and pulled Flake with him to return to the livingroom, leaving Paul to grumble on his own.<br/>
After a while Paul had indeed cooled off, but Christoph's innocent remark had planted a seed in his mind that turned out hard to shake off.</p><p>================================================================================</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dear Paul,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope you're okay. I didn't get any letters from you anymore, but I can understand because I didn't write you back. I want to talk to you so much. Things here are not good. I hoped to maybe go and train for a job in another town and leave home, but at school they say I'm too young and have to finish this schoolyear first. My stepdad says that that means I'm too stupid. Then he hit me for wanting to move out. I wish I could get away from here. I wish I could live with you in Berlin..</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Sven groaned.<br/>
Another letter stuffed in the backpack.<br/>
He could taste the blood from a fresh cut in his lip and looked in the mirror.<br/>
With the back of his hand he wiped the trickle of blood off.<br/>
Stepdad's temper seemed to get more volatile every day.<br/>
A few days ago when Sven hadn't done his chores as he should have, he had dragged him by the arm to his bedroom and after yelling in his face for a while, had knocked him to the floor.<br/>
Sven only remembered the punch, but then blacked out, only to wake up early in the morning, between streaks of blood on the floor.<br/>
Getting up, he had wiped off the by then mostly dried up blood from his face, flinched at the bruises on his bicep and was glad he had wrestling practice that day, so he could stay away for a while.</p><p>At the sportsclub the trainer and physician had given him a worried look when he came in, but hadn't asked any questions, and that was fine by Sven as it would save him to come up with plausible answers.<br/>
After practice he had been called into the physician's office where both he and the trainer were waiting for him.<br/>
"Sven, we want to talk to you for a minute.."<br/>
Sven sighed, but nodded.<br/>
"We've been watching you, you weren't in shape today.."<br/>
"I eh..I hurt my arm.. a bit, nothing major.." involuntary Sven's hand clutched his bicep through the shirt that he wore to hide the bruises. The bruises on his face weren't as easy to hide.<br/>
The move hadn't escaped the two men "Yes, well, that's what we want to talk about really..you get hurt a lot lately, don't you.."<br/>
Sven swallowed a lump in his throat, waiting for what was to come.<br/>
"You can't wrestle properly when you're hurt.. so.."<br/>
Now Sven started to panic... can't wrestle? But that was the one escape from his parent's house he looked forward to. His trainers often let him stay extra long and help clean up, sometimes at evening trainings so long that he got home after his parents had gone to bed. Those were the best nights.</p><p>The panic closed up his throat.<br/>
The two men didn't say anything and only looked at him.<br/>
The silence seemed to last for ages.<br/>
Sven whispered "Please don't throw me out.. I'll try not to get hurt anymore.."<br/>
Again he swallowed.<br/>
The two men looked at eachother, then the physician, Richard, got up and walked up to Sven "Relax, we're not throwing you out at all.." he put his arm around Sven's shoulders, making him flinch a little, but was strangely comforted too in a way he didn't experience very often.<br/>
"No..?"<br/>
"No.. we are just worried about the bruises.." he lightly pressed Sven's shoulder "..this happens at home right?"<br/>
Sven looked from one man to the other, then gave a quick nod.<br/>
"Well, then we'll come to your place and discuss things with your parents..we can't have one of our best guys getting injured like that, I'm sure they'll understand when we talk to them."<br/>
"No, please don't!" Sven blurted out. He didn't think before he said it, but when he thought about it, it seemed even more of a bad idea.<br/>
"Sven, we'll just talk to them, adults among eachother, I'm sure we can have a reasonable conversation together."<br/>
"No.." Sven frantically tried to find arguments "..I'll tell them you mentioned it..but please don't come.."<br/>
"If you're sure.."<br/>
"Yeah, sure I'm sure, I'll tell them, I promise.."<br/>
"Well, okay.."<br/>
Sven breathed a sigh of relief.</p><p>They came anyway.</p><p>One evening a few days later, the doorbell rang.<br/>
When stepdad opened the door, Sven in his room recognized the voices immediately and thought his heart had stopped beating.<br/>
He sat down near the door of his bedroom, head on his knees, listening to what was said in the livingroom, as much as he could hear of it.<br/>
Sven felt like all the energy had been drained from his body, he couldn't move, just sit there and listen.<br/>
The trainers mentioned bruises, cuts, swellings Sven didn't even realize he had had.<br/>
Stepdad explained everything away, calling Sven clumsy, a rowdy teen, a challenging son for law-abiding parents.<br/>
Mum asked if anyone wanted coffee.</p><p>Sven didn't know how long they'd been there, he just sat on the floor, eyes closed, knowing what was to come.<br/>
He didn't even try to fight it.<br/>
People in the hallway, frontdoor opening, visitors saying goodbye.<br/>
Footsteps, stomping up the stairs.<br/>
"Get up!"<br/>
Sven pushed himself up to stand straight with his head held down, eyes closed.<br/>
This time he didn't see the fist coming.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dear Paul,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can't go on like this...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>================================================================================</p><p>After a few hours of sulking Paul's mood had cleared up and had stayed good ever since. The others had decided not to mention the subject of mail anymore and everyone picked up their own letters in the hall, so Paul wouldn't be confronted with it.</p><p>The band had played a few more concerts in Berlin, and in between they played at the house. While improvising new songs had emerged, with more emphasize on Paul's guitarparts, and to Paul's excitement Aljoscha deemed them good enough to go on the band's regular setlist.</p><p>Feeling B's fame was growing and growing and the band didn't have to apply for opportunities to play anymore, but instead received so many spontaneous offers, they even had to decline some because they couldn't fit it into their schedule. After the band one evening had to appear at two gigs at the same time, one of Aljoscha's friends who frequently stayed at the house anyway was appointed bandmanager, so that mistake wouldn't happen again.</p><p>A week later Paul came home from his job and found the livingroom suspiciously quiet; only Aljoscha, Kriening and Flake were there waiting for him.<br/>
"Hey..what's up?"<br/>
"Good news, we got an offer to play at a new gig that this guy is organizing out in the country, and even better, they want us to be the lead act!"<br/>
"Hey! That is so cool! Where is it?"<br/>
Kriening threw a quick look at Aljoscha "It'll be a great, a field outside, plenty of room for a real stage.."<br/>
Paul looked from one to the other.<br/>
"..it's a few miles outside of Schwerin.."<br/>
Paul snorted "That dump.."<br/>
Again a quick look between the others, deciding who would be the one to broach the subject "..you..ehm.. haven't heard from Sven yet, have you.."<br/>
"He doesn't want to write me anymore, remember?"<br/>
"Paul, you don't know that, that was just some stupid remark.."<br/>
"Well, I haven't noticed anything to prove otherwise."<br/>
Flake looked uncomfortable "Paul.. didn't he have a really strict family? What if he got in trouble at home?"<br/>
"And he couldn't even manage a card? I doubt it.." <br/>
Noticing Paul started to get worked up again, Kriening decided to be blunt "Look Paul, we think we should go to this gig, and you should check up on your friend."<br/>
"Just to make sure he's okay.." Flake added.<br/>
"And get dumped in person instead of by mail you mean, no thank you very much.."<br/>
Aljoscha ignored Paul's comment "..if he is okay, we'll take him to the gig and you two can talk, and if he's not, maybe we can help him."</p><p>Paul was in a mind to start arguing, but looking at the faces of the other three, he felt outnumbered "..do I have a choice?"<br/>
Aljoscha smiled, got up and put his arm around Paul's shoulder "Not really".<br/>
The others got up as well, and Kriening laughed "..and if it turns out, he *did* dump you, we'll egg his house for you and *get* him into trouble.."</p><p>Paul grinned "Okay, on that condition I'll go.."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Letters delivered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for the hits, kudos and comments on the previous chapter! This one turned out a bit long, but I didn't want to cut it in two, so I hope you'll enjoy..</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the band had been putting off telling Paul about the gig in Schwerin, only a few days later, the Feeling B van was being loaded again with all the band's gear and other stuff they deemed unmissable for a road trip.<br/>
As usual some of their growing entourage came along, and Kriening was sufficiently pleased with his new drumming apprentice Christoph to take him along as well.</p><p>Paul was in high spirits, humming his latest new song to himself, while telling the others how they should pack their stuff the right way (something the others happily ignored) and teasing Flake with his new Casio keyboard which produced a great sound but was quite heavy and not easy to handle for the scrawny keyboarder on his own.<br/>
He still hadn't heard from Sven, but had told the others he couldn't care less so many times he almost managed to convince himself.</p><p>Almost.. deep down he was still torn between being worried if something was wrong with the his friend, and anger at having been ignored after showing his feelings for him. But every time Paul thought about it, the latter feeling was gaining ground, until he had made himself believe that at the end of the Hiddensee trip Sven had actually told him to get lost and not bother him anymore.<br/>
That in reality they had hugged, held hands and touched eachother all the way back until their last goodbye at the railwaystation, was a distant memory, clouded over by these new ideas.</p><p>After wrapping his guitar in a plastic bag, grabbing a jacket and his sleeping bag, Paul got in the van and nestled himself on one of the cushioned benches.<br/>
He grinned at the sight of Flake busying himself with his hobby of making earrings to sell at the gig to earn some extra cash. New guy Christoph was showing an interest too, suggesting to Flake to broaden his product range and after some fiddling produced a keychain and a pendant for a necklace, which Paul had to admit actually looked quite good.<br/>
Ofcourse he didn't tell this Christoph that, the guy was already way to confident for his liking, but apparently the guy did have some skills after all, at least for a dumbass like him (as Paul always added in his mind when thinking of the young drummer).<br/>
Flake liked the new ideas and eagerly set to work making some of these new items as well, and so by the time they arrived in the outskirts of Schwerin, the entire group was provided with a new accessory.</p><p>The band had intended to drive straight to the concert area, a large field outside of town where they would be able to play all the music they liked without being disturbed by stuffy townspeople or tiresome folk who didn't appreciate their music.<br/>
When the van arrived it turned out the organisation was still getting the field cleared from the remnant of cattle and other farm animals, so the band, themselves all from a big city background, unanimously decided a trip into Schwerin town would suit them better.</p><p>As they were driving around town to find a parking spot big enough for their vehicle, all of a sudden Kriening noticed a familiar name on a street sign. <br/>
He nudged Aljoscha sitting next to him in the passenger seat "Hey..isn't that the street that that kid Sven lives on...I think that is the name Flake mentioned.."</p><p>Without Paul knowing Flake had gone through his stuff to find enough information on Sven to go though with their idea of finding him, convinced as they were that Paul himself would dodge the topic if they let him.<br/>
Aljoscha nodded "Yes, that must be it...let's find somewhere to park around here..but best not directly in this street..this doesn't look like a place where they are used to having a Berlin punk band visiting.."</p><p>They were in luck, a few minutes drive away they found an empty parking lot, secluded from prying eyes of overly prim townspeople. As the band got out of the van, happy to stretch their legs after the long drive, Aljoscha made himself comfortable on the asfalt with a beer and looked at his guitarist, frisking around among the group.<br/>
"Paul?"</p><p>==============================================================================</p><p>
  <em>Tick..tock..tick..tock..</em>
</p><p>Sven sat in his bedroom, on the floor, between the bed and the wall, with his back against the nightstand, head on his knees.<br/>
This was where he usually sat these days, the least overlooked spot in the room.<br/>
His room, school and wrestling were the only places he was allowed to go to.<br/>
Sven didn't care.<br/>
About anything.</p><p>At school he avoided drawing attention.<br/>
At wrestling he avoided the concerned looks of the coaches.<br/>
At home he avoided everything.</p><p><em>Tick..tock..tick..tock..</em><br/>
 <br/>
One of his teachers had said that if he wanted a jobtraining spot next year he should get the grades to earn that, so he did his homework for that, but lacklustre, without really paying attention.<br/>
He didn't even know which job he wanted to train for.</p><p>His wrestling coaches had tried to talk to him, at first concerned that he had missed a few nights of practice after their talk with Sven's parents, but when he had showed up again, trained and then left, they had figured Sven was eager to go home and were pleased their chat with his parents had helped.<br/>
Sven at first regretted leaving right after practice, he had loved staying behind in the past, but now he just wanted to avoid any questions.<br/>
Questions never did any good.</p><p>At home his parents had deemed it more relaxing for everyone if Sven ate in his room, and were pleased with the result, there hadn't been much yelling and shouting, even less violence. His mom had brought him his plate of food and mentioned that they were glad Sven had behaved these last days, and that they were proud of him for being a good boy.<br/>
Sven knew she meant well.</p><p>Everyone meant well.</p><p>
  <em>Tick..tock..tick..tock..</em>
</p><p>The ticking of the clock was a background sound, he wasn't really listening. <br/>
Vaguely he heard the sounds of the other familymembers, walking, talking, going about their business.<br/>
Footsteps on the stairs. Light footsteps. Sven knew it could only be from his little sister.<br/>
The footsteps went past her room and hesitated before his.</p><p>
  <em>don't come in.. go away..go away..</em>
</p><p>Sven didn't look up, he didn't feel like talking.<br/>
Damn..the footsteps did come in, walking up to him.<br/>
He could feel her standing near</p><p>
  <em>go away..go away..</em>
</p><p>The bed creaked as she sat down.<br/>
Sven still didn't gave any sign he heard her.</p><p>
  <em>go away..please go..</em>
</p><p>For a while nothing happened. <br/>
She didn't talk, he didn't either.<br/>
Sven startled when he felt her hand on his head, at first just hesitatingly touching, then softly stroking his hair.</p><p>
  <em>no..don't.. I don't want..</em>
</p><p>He wanted to tell her to leave him alone.. but didn't..<br/>
He felt oddly comforted.<br/>
Sven didn't know how long she sat there, stroking his hair.<br/>
Then he felt the hand disappear and the bed creak again.</p><p>
  <em>no..don't .. don't go..</em>
</p><p>When she was out of the room, Sven looked up, at the door where she had disappeared. He thought about going to her room, chat a bit, maybe play a game if she felt like it.<br/>
He heard her footsteps going down the stairs again, back to the livingroom.<br/>
Well he wasn't going there.</p><p>With one hand he grabbed his bag which he always had nearby and rumbled through it.<br/>
He might as well do that homework now.<br/>
His hand felt a bunch of paper and pulled it out.<br/>
It wasn't the homework.<br/>
The crumpled stack of letters to Paul, which he hadn't sent and meant to destroy. <br/>
But when he had tried to destroy them a few days earlier, he couldn't bring himself to actually do it.<br/>
Then he had started to reread one and found he couldn't do that either.<br/>
So now he had a stack of paper that he didn't want to read and didn't want to get rid of. <br/>
He stuffed them back in his bag.<br/>
Sven sighed.</p><p>
  <em>Tick..tock..tick..tock..</em>
</p><p>==============================================================================</p><p>"Paul..come here for a minute.."<br/>
With a big grin Paul skipped to where Aljoscha and Kriening were sitting at the side of the van.<br/>
The two older bandmembers glanced at eachother quickly, then Kriening decided to take the plunge "We'll be here for a few hours..why don't you eh.. go check up on Sven.."<br/>
Paul's smile disappeared almost immediately "Ugh, not that again.."<br/>
"You said you would, so you might as well get it over with.."<br/>
Paul rolled his eyes "If he wanted to have anything to do with me, he would have written by now.."<br/>
Flake, who had been listening nearby chimed in "But what if something did happen to him and he can't write.."<br/>
"How bad could it be for him not to be able to write.."<br/>
"Well.." Flake himself always imagined horrible gloomy things to happen, but knew Paul normally had a more upbeat disposition "..he could be hurt, or in hospital..or.."<br/>
Paul frowned at him but for once chose not to comment.<br/>
Kriening continued where Flake left off "Well let's not imagine the worst, but wouldn't you feel better if you knew for sure?"</p><p>Paul snorted "Feeling better getting dumped you mean.. besides, he might live miles from here, before I find his place, we'd have to go the concert.."<br/>
Aljoscha took a swig of his beer "Well, we've helped you there, his street is only two blocks away.."<br/>
"What?"<br/>
"We passed his street driving to this lot, you'll only have to walk a few minutes.." the singer pointed to a streetcorner a little further on.<br/>
This time Paul didn't know what to say, the others took that as an encouragement.<br/>
"Just go see if he's home, if he's not, at least you can ask how he is.."<br/>
Paul hesitated.<br/>
"Come on, I'll go with you.." Flake took a few steps in the right direction "..if he does dump you, I'll beat him up for you.."<br/>
Paul snorted at the idea at wiry Flake taking on wrestler Sven, but the thought of the Schweriner guy was enough to tip the scale "..well..okay then, but just so I can watch you beat him up, that's got to be a sight.."<br/>
Flake grinned too, relieved Paul was willing to go, and the two made their way to Sven's house.</p><p>Aljoscha was right, it only took a few minutes to find Sven's street, lined with houses on both sides, not that big and all the same, a thoroughly socialist approved street, the two born-and-raised Berliners felt oddly out of place.<br/>
When they found Sven's familyhome, they hesitated.<br/>
Flake looked at Paul, today wearing an orange shirt, long earrings with dangling beads and the new pendant that Flake had made on the trip, which was perfectly okay when they were with their friends, but here.. "Maybe we should have worn something different.."<br/>
Paul had just been thinking the same thing while looking at Flake in a long yellow vest and a bright blue hat, but now the same thought had occured to Flake as well, he refused to admit it "We are who we are, and Sven knows us.." he turned to the frontdoor and put his finger on the doorbell "..it'll be fine.."</p><p>It took only one ring, almost immediately they heard noises at the other side of the door, footsteps coming to towards them.<br/>
Paul couldn't help but feel a bit of excitement when the door opened, he fully expected to see Sven standing on the other side and despite what he had told his mates, was looking forward to seeing him.</p><p>The door opened. <br/>
It wasn't Sven.<br/>
Paul held his breath and heard Flake next to him gulp.<br/>
The man who opened the door looked at them, from head to toe, then up again.<br/>
He frowned, clearly not impressed by what he say "What do you want?"<br/>
Instantly Flake knew it was a mistake to come here dressed like they did, he took a step back, happy to let Paul do the talking.<br/>
Although Paul was usually a quick enough talker, even he was caught off guard by the man.<br/>
The man looked them up and down again, then stepped back and started to close the door.<br/>
"No!" Paul was frantically thinking of something useful to say "..we eh.. we came to see Sven, is he in..?"</p><p>The door was opened again.<br/>
"Sven?"<br/>
"Yes..eh.." Paul was thrown by the still disapproving look "..we eh.. are friends of his, so we thought we'd come to visit, you know, maybe he wants to hang out with us.."<br/>
"You're from Berlin, aren't you.." the man's frown became even deeper.<br/>
Flake looked at Paul, they themselves were used to the typical Berliner way of talking, the specific words they used, but like their clothes, that too was out of place here.<br/>
"You must be those Berliner guys Sven mentioned a few years ago. I told him to stay away from you big city boys, if he knew what was good for him. Apparently he hasn't. He knows what happens if he disobeys me."</p><p>The man, Paul and Flake were sure it was the stepdad, again started to close the door, but now Paul was annoyed, taking the insults against his city personal "Don't be stupid, he won't get a disease or something from hanging out with us.."<br/>
"I wouldn't be so sure, I've friends who go to Berlin, they told me what kind of people stray the streets out of sight from the Socialist Party... the slacking morals people have there.."<br/>
Flake pulled Paul's arm and softly whispered "Paul.." but his friend was now seething at the unfounded accusations he took personal "You narrowminded git, what do you even know, I bet you never even set foot outside this town in your life. At least Sven has the guts to travel around.."<br/>
Flake hissed "Paul!"<br/>
The man smirked "As I thought, no morals whatsoever, get out of here before I call the police on you. Get lost!" and he slammed the door shut in their faces.</p><p>Startled by the slam of the door, for a split second Paul considered ringing again, but then turned around, stomping back on the sidewalk, back in the direction where they came from.<br/>
Flake hurried on after him, stumbling as he looked back over his shoulder to the house "Paul.."<br/>
"What!"<br/>
"We didn't even find out how Sven is doing.."<br/>
Paul halted for a moment, but was so annoyed at being treated the way he had been, he stomped on "I don't care..I don't want to be near these people any longer.."<br/>
"But Sven is not like 'these people'.."<br/>
"He didn't come to defend us, did he.."<br/>
Flake felt he somehow had to make Paul calm down, but needing all his energy to keep up didn't allow him to think clearly..so all he could do was run after Paul, back to the van, where the rest of the band where waiting.<br/>
Had they thought the two would return with loads of happy stories they were surprised by the thunderous look on Paul's face and a panting Flake behind him.<br/>
Aljoscha even put his beer down and got up "What happened..?"<br/>
Paul exploded "They are all idiots here, I'm not staying here a minute longer, ignorant morons!" as he jumped into the van, slamming the door shut so hard the others for a second thought the whole van would collapse.</p><p>==============================================================================</p><p>Sven still sat on the floor, knowing he should start homework but not able to bring himself to get up.<br/>
All of a sudden the frontdoorbell disturbed the silence in the house.<br/>
Sven heard his stepdad walk to the door and figured the family had invited guests over. That meant he would definitely not be allowed downstairs anytime soon.<br/>
He put his head on his knees again, vaguely hearing talk at the door, without being able to hear the words.</p><p>All of a sudden he lifted his head when he heard his stepdad yell at whoever was at the door.<br/>
That was new, normally all the yelling was saved for Sven..<br/>
Before Sven could figure out who the guests were, he held his breath as the other person started to yell back... in distinctly Berliner words.. Paul!!</p><p>Sven had been sitting so long his legs felt numb as he tried to get up.<br/>
Paul! <br/>
Here! <br/>
In his house!<br/>
Sven hitched himself up by the bed, and stood still a few seconds to let the feeling get back in his legs.<br/>
Paul!!</p><p>The yelling downstairs got louder.<br/>
SLAM!<br/>
Gone was Paul's voice.<br/>
Sven hurried to the bedroomwindow that looked out on the street and stretched to look out...just in time to see Paul stomping away.. with Flake stumbling after him. <br/>
Paul!<br/>
Sven gutreaction was to open the window and jump out, to run after them.</p><p>SVEN!</p><p>Sven felt a strong hand grabbing hold of his bicep, pulling him away from the window and throwing him down, the nightstand collapsing under his weight has he crashed into it.</p><p>==============================================================================</p><p>As Paul refused to come out of the van, Flake was the one who, after a quick schnaps to help him get his wind back, told the group what had happened.<br/>
"Let's get out of here, now!" came a muffled shout from the van, but the others ignored it.<br/>
"So you don't know how Sven is doing?"<br/>
Flake shook his head, still panting.<br/>
"Okay, this couldn't have gone worse.."<br/>
"Now what?"<br/>
"We can't leave it at this.." Kriening looked at the others "..maybe we should go talk to that man, we're older.."<br/>
He looked at Aljoscha, today kitted out with two bandanas and a shirt with holes in it "Then again..if he thought you guys had no morals just by looking at you, we probably won't do much better."<br/>
"Let's go!" again the voice from the van.<br/>
"Shut up Paul!"</p><p>Young Christoph, who had stepped to the other side of the van to take a leak, now wandered back, looking at the others "What's with all the yelling?"<br/>
Kriening and Aljoscha looked at eachother and then at Christoph.. he was a young guy, roughly the same age as Sven and coming from a respectable family and hadn't been hanging out with the band for long, he had still a clean-cut look that would go over well with the average german outside of Berlin. What's more, because his family mingled with germans from all over the country, he spoke german without the typical berlinerisms the others used.<br/>
"Maybe he can do it.."<br/>
"Do what..?" Christoph innocently looked around all the faces looking at him.<br/>
"Have you ever thought about acting, Christoph?"<br/>
"A little bit at school, I did some plays, just for fun.."<br/>
"He'll do.."</p><p>An hour later Christoph, white shirt neatly tucked into his pants, hair freshly combed (Kriening had splashed an extra bit of water over it, to flatten it properly) and quickly prepared by the others on what to say, was on his way.<br/>
Flake, who knew which house it was, was sent along to make sure he went to the right door, but would wait around a corner to stay out of sight.<br/>
Again it took only one ringing.<br/>
Christoph licked his lips, even though he thought of it as a funny adventure and was chuffed at having been chosen by the others to undertake it, his lips were a bit dry and he was slightly nervous if he would pull it off.</p><p>The door opened.<br/>
A man stood on the doorstep, looking at Christoph a little suspicious, but the look of the young guy didn't seem to cause alarm "Yes?"<br/>
"Hello sir, how are you, my name is Christoph."<br/>
The man standing in the door relaxed a bit "How are you, can I help you?:<br/>
"I hope you can.." Christoph was now far enough to start the story the others had rehearsed with him, so he tried to remember the lines "..you see, my family recently moved to this town."<br/>
"Oh, yes?" the man on the doorstep move to the side, gesturing Christoph to step inside the house (Flake glancing around the corner to see what happened, spend a horrorsecond imagining what they'd do if Christoph wasn't let out again.)<br/>
"Thank you sir!" <br/>
The man smiled at the boy in front of him.<br/>
Christoph continued, encouraged by the smile "You see, I started school here just this week, and I'm having a hard time getting used to things here..and eh.." Christoph quickly swallowed, now came the crucial part "..the teacher said I should ask for help from one of the students to get me up to speed.."</p><p>From another room a woman looked into the hallway, wondering who had come to visit.<br/>
Christoph threw her a warm smile and turned back to Sven's stepdad "..well, the teacher suggested I should ask your son to help me.."<br/>
Sven's stepdad's eyebrows went up "Sven? Surely not.. Sven is not very good at school.."<br/>
Again Christoph smiled a warm smile (Kriening had purposely practised it with him), this answer they had expected "..yes well, you know sir.." he chuckled a bit embarrassed (this too was purposefully trained) "..I'm afraid I'm not too good at schoolwork either, that was why teacher advised to ask Sven, so I wouldn't be overwhelmed.."</p><p>Sven's stepdad looked at the woman, Christoph assumed her to be Sven's mom "..Well, I don't know.."<br/>
"It would be an aweful help sir..my parents travel around quite a bit for our nation's Socialist Party, and I had a bit of a hard time keeping up lately, but I'm now trying to get it together." <br/>
Again a winning smile.<br/>
The woman smiled back at him, then turned to her husband "Why not, let's help this nice young man out, I'm sure he won't get Sven into trouble.."<br/>
"It's the other way around I'm more worried about.."<br/>
Christoph chuckled again "If your son could come to my house, I have my homework there, but my parents are both at home so there is little chance of trouble." He waited for Sven's parents to decide, all the while thinking that if his own parents, back in their cosy house in Berlin, would have heard this they would have been shocked, as he was lying through his teeth.<br/>
"Well.. okay then..but Sven has to be back in time, he has a curfew.."<br/>
"No problem sir, my parents don't allow visitors to stay late anyway.."<br/>
Sven's stepdad smiled at him approvingly, then turned and walked up the stairs to the next floor.</p><p>Christoph heard some muffled sounds, then two sets of footsteps on the landing and down the stairs.<br/>
Next to the man stood a guy Christoph assumed to be Sven. <br/>
He watched him with interest; so this was the guy Paul was so worked up about.<br/>
He smiled at Sven, but was a bit surprised at the lack of response he got, just a shy hint of a smile in return.<br/>
"Well, here he is, our Sven. It isn't much, but I hope he can help" stepdad grinned as he gave Sven a jovial knock on the shoulder.<br/>
Christoph smiled again as he had been taught, wondering why Sven winced at the knock, he introduced himself, and after again promising the parents to have their son back in time, the two stepped outside onto the street.<br/>
Sven clutched his bag as he walked next to Christoph, not offering much conversation.<br/>
"Are you okay?"<br/>
Sven threw a quick glance "Sure.." then looked away "..nice to be out of the house for a while anyway.."<br/>
"That was the plan.."<br/>
Sven didn't catch the hint "So..I hear you are new here, I don't think we met at school, did we?"<br/>
Christoph grinned "Well actually.." as they rounded the corner where Flake was waiting.<br/>
"Sven!" <br/>
Sven's mouth dropped open as he slowly realized what happened "..Flake..?"<br/>
Flake wasn't a hugger by nature, but now he would have gladly have hugged the other guy, relieved to see him alive and well. Or.. well.. Sven seemed subdued, and now Flake looked longer he saw bruises and a few almost healed cuts on his face. </p><p>"But what.." Sven turned to look at Christoph.<br/>
"I'm learning to be a drummer and Feeling B is giving a concert and they took me along."<br/>
"Feeling B?" slowly things started to click in Sven's head "..so Paul is here.. I thought I was dreaming when I saw him this afternoon.."<br/>
"You saw us?" Flake whispered.<br/>
"Walking away.." Sven sighed "..I wanted to see Paul so bad I thought I was imagining things..I eh.." he looked at the other two almost apologetically "..it's hard here.." as he looked down to the pavement.<br/>
"Well, that's one thing cleared up then, at least you still like Paul.."<br/>
Now Sven looked up, surprised "..ofcourse I like Paul, I love Paul.." he turned to Flake "..you know what happened on Hiddensee.. right..?"<br/>
Flake chuckled "Well yeah..but Paul..never mind, long story, let's go to the van and clear everything up.."</p><p>The three made their way back to the van. <br/>
Flake relieved that they had found Sven and Paul would be back to his normal self soon.<br/>
Christoph excited he had succesfully accomplished his mission, happily chatting to the others, reliving the talk with Sven's parents.<br/>
Sven faintly smiling at Christoph's enthousiasm, but still a bit dazed at the sudden appearance of the Berlin crowd on his doorstep.</p><p>The others saw them coming when they rounded the last streetcorner, Aljoscha banging on the van door "Come out Paul, we've got a surprise!"<br/>
As the three approached the group, all watching them with smiles on their faces, Christoph's excitement grew, the story of what happened getting more embellished with every time he told it.<br/>
Sven was overwhelmed, he knew most of the group by sight, but having them all look at him like this when he mostly shied away from mingling with people recently was almost too much. He took a small step back, happy to let the new kid do all the talking.<br/>
Then all of a sudden the van door flew open.<br/>
Christoph stopped talking, surprised.<br/>
Paul stepped in the dooropening but made no move to step out. He crossed his arms and looked at the three guys standing a few meters away. The rest of the group waited in silence, quick glances exchanged between one or the other, confused at why Paul wasn't just coming out.</p><p>"Not dead then.."<br/>
With bated breath the others looked first at Paul, then turned to Sven, at whom the remark was obviously directed.<br/>
Sven was uncomfortable, with everybody looking at him, and Paul seeming so different from how he remembered.<br/>
He blushed and cleared his throat "..no..not dead.."<br/>
Christoph looked around the group confused, not understanding what was happening. <br/>
Flake threw a quick look at Sven, then turned to Paul "Paul..why not hear him out, he.."<br/>
Paul ignored him and again spoke directly to Sven "..so you've come to dump me or what..?"<br/>
Sven blinked, thinking he had landed in a nightmare, hoping he'd wake up, but all that happened was some uncomfortable coughing in the group.<br/>
"No..Paul..I didn't.."<br/>
"Well why didn't you write then..?"<br/>
Kriening rolled his eyes at Aljoscha as the singer sighed, they saw the disillusion that Paul had created, but hadn't seen this coming until it was too late.</p><p>Paul's face look like thunder.<br/>
Sven opened his mouth to answer, but didn't know what to say, so he closed it again.<br/>
"Fine, I know enough" Paul sneered and stepped back.<br/>
"No! Wait!" Sven was still confused, but knew if he didn't do something now, it would all be over. He opened his bag and pulled out the crumbled stack of letters "..I did write to you..I just.." he blushed, knowing Paul would scoff "..I didn't send them.."<br/>
He held the letters up for Paul to see, but Paul was too far away to read them.</p><p>For a second Paul hesitated, but the last weeks of telling himself Sven had dumped him and telling him to get lost still lingered in his mind, and he was annoyed at the others still standing around gaping at him "..bit of a lame excuse, don't you think.."<br/>
Kriening groaned at Paul's stubborness.<br/>
Sven's hand sank, as he looked down at the pavement, quietly whispering "..I know..".<br/>
A few quiet moments followed, Paul closed the door and disappeared in the van.<br/>
Sven turned to the two next to him "I.. eh..I better go home then.." and turned away walking back to his street.<br/>
Christoph looked around the group, still confused by what happened, but feeling somehow responsible "Wait, I'll walk you back.."<br/>
Sven flashed a sad smile "That's okay, I'll get there" but Christoph caught up with him and without much talking they walked the few blocks back.</p><p>In front of Sven's door, Christoph turned to him "Look, I don't know what's wrong with Paul, but maybe he'll come around."<br/>
"Maybe.."<br/>
Christoph looked at the stack of paper still in Sven's hand "..can I take them..?"<br/>
Sven shrugged "..might as well.." and handed them over, then turned and disappeared behind the door.</p><p>Christoph ran back to the van, where the others still pretty much stood as he had left them, everyone unsure at what to do after the scene they just witnessed. <br/>
He ignored the others and banged on the van door "Hey you! Get out of that stupid van!"<br/>
Paul opened the door with raised eyebrows, ready to make a scathing remark, but Christoph beat him to it "Yeah you! What a stupid thing was that! You spent weeks wanting to hear from Sven and when you do, you stupidly make him go away again!"<br/>
Paul thundered back "He dump.." but Christoph didn't let him finish "..he didn't dump you, you stupid git, you dumped him!"<br/>
Paul stepped out of the van, taken aback by the tirade coming towards him, but not ready to admit defeat "..What do you know! You don't even belong with this group, dumbass! If Sven had wanted to write me a letter.."<br/>
"He DID write them.. here.." Christoph shoved the crumpled letters against Paul's chest "..here are your precious letters, stupid.. I hope you're very happy with them!" and he turned and ran off, then halted and looked back at Paul "..you know, you always call me a dumbass for not being as clever as you, but with what you just did, you're a bigger dumbass then I am.." before again running off, wanting some time away from the group to cool off.</p><p>Paul was flabbergasted at the tirade of the otherwise goodnatured boy, and for the first time felt some doubt about what had happened.<br/>
He considered throwing the letters down and leaving too, but when he looked at the first one, starting with "Dear Paul" in Sven's familiar handwriting, he reconsidered and stepped back into the van.</p><p>-----</p><p>For a while the group sat in the parking lot.<br/>
Not much was said, everyone still reeling, quietly sipping beer.<br/>
Christoph hadn't come back yet, and Paul was still in the van.</p><p>After a while Flake decided to carefully check up on the guitarist and opened the van door widd enough to peek inside. Encouraged by not being told off immediately, he stepped into the van and sat next to Paul, who was still reading.<br/>
At first they sat in silence, the only sound being paper turned over.<br/>
When he finished the last letter, Paul lay the sheets of paper on the table and sat back.<br/>
Flake glanced, and was glad to see Paul's anger seemed to have gone away. Paul seemed lost in thought.<br/>
"Are you okay?"<br/>
Paul sighed and hesitated "..you may have been right about him getting hurt.."<br/>
"Yeah.."<br/>
"He probably has a tough time at home.."<br/>
"Yeah.."<br/>
"But he could still have let me know something.."<br/>
"Paul.." Flake sighed, not knowing what else to say.<br/>
"If only a postcard.."</p><p>Meanwhile Aljoscha had stepped into the van as well, and was listening to his two youngsters.<br/>
He frowned "Look here Paul, this has gone on long enough, you need to fix this.."<br/>
Paul pouted "He didn't send.."<br/>
Aljoscha sighed impatiently "Fine, be stubborn, I don't care. But I think you owe it to Sven for you to be honest with him if you want to break up."<br/>
"I don't.. I think..I don't know.."<br/>
The singer groaned "Paul, I'm not on this world to be bothered with teenage puppy love.."<br/>
"..it's not puppy love.."<br/>
Aljoscha ignored him "..if you want to be in this band, you need to act like a grown up. That kid has enough problems of his own, without having to worry about you.."<br/>
"But he.."<br/>
"Christoph was right, you are a dumbass.."</p><p>Kriening stuck his head around the van door "Christoph is back, says he had to get something and won't storm off again. I think we should head for the concert-site.."<br/>
Aljoscha looked at Paul, but the guitarist was still undecided about what to do, so the singer turned back "Okay, we'll go. We're done here, get everyone in the van."</p><p>Paul swallowed a lump in his throat, but knew it would be no use to argue now, he'd missed his chance.<br/>
Flake whispered "..he said he loved you Paul..before, when we were coming here.."<br/>
"Not helping Flake" Paul whispered back, as a picked up the letters and stuffed them in his guitarbag.<br/>
He vaguely saw Kriening and Christoph sitting, heads together, talking, occasionally shooting a glance at him, but decided he didn't want to talk to anyone.</p><p>==============================================================================</p><p>Sven had managed to sneak back into the house without anyone noticing and had withdrawn to his bedroom, back to his familiar spot.<br/>
He didn't have any energy left to do anything but sit, eyes closed.<br/>
He felt one tear escaping his closed eyelid, slowly rolling down his cheek, but he couldn't bring himself to wipe it away.</p><p>He vaguely heard the sound of the doorbell ringing, absentmindedly thinking that it was already the third time today, but otherwise didn't pay attention.<br/>
Not at first anyway, but then his name was called "Sven..could you come down?"<br/>
When at he didn't react, the voice called again "Sven?"</p><p>Sven sighed, wiped his face and walked downstairs.<br/>
Only when he was standing in the hall he realised he recognized the visitor, it was this Christoph again.<br/>
Despite himself Sven was glad to see one of the Feeling B crowd again, but at the same time weary, still numb from what happened earlier.<br/>
Christoph was happily chatting to his stepdad, stepdad obviously still impressed by the clean-cut boy (had he known this was a drummer-to-be, Sven doubted he would have been this approving).<br/>
"Again I'm sorry sir, that my parents had guests over before and Sven couldn't stay, but it would be so helpful if he could come along now.."<br/>
"Sure sure, I know how it is if guests come over uninvited, and Sven isn't doing anything useful here.."</p><p>Christoph noticed none of the family reacted to that last remark, it was probably normal here to say it. Briefly he thought about kicking the stepdad in the chins, but Kriening had explicitely told him 'stick to your lines and don't do anything foolish' so he decided against it.<br/>
After having promised he'd get Sven back in time for his curfew, the two once again walked down the street to the parkinglot.<br/>
"Look.." Sven hesitated when the Feeling B van was again in sight "..I know you mean well, but Paul was pretty angry just now, I don't feel like arguing."<br/>
"Don't worry, the band are all at the concert already, just me and one of the guys have come back to get you. We wanted to take you to see the gig, and hang out with us. If you don't want to see Paul, you don't have to, but we felt a bit guilty at what happened so wanted to make it up."<br/>
Sven still hesitated when they were at the van, but the prospect of getting to be away from home for a few hours was tempting enough to get in.</p><p>----</p><p>Besides, Christoph was friendly enough, happily chatting away, pleased that he managed to trick Sven's stepdad a second time. <br/>
Sven smiled at his tall stories, impossible to all have happened in the 5 minutes he had been in Sven's home, but it felt good to just casually chat and not having to be scared or on his guard for once.</p><p>It was only a short drive to the concert, Feeling B were already playing their first set when they arrived. Christoph pulled Sven with him to the rest of the group, who all happily greeted the new arrival, any awkwardness Sven might have felt over the earlier scene was soon forgotten.<br/>
They enjoyed the energetic music, Christoph telling Sven all the inside anecdotes from the band, and what it was like living in Aljoscha's house.<br/>
It was the best night Sven had since..well since Hiddensee really. Sven felt a sudden pang of longing for that weekend.</p><p>After the set was finished Flake was the first one to get back with the group. He too, Sven was relieved to find out, wasn't surprised by him being there, but greeted him with a smile and a quick squeeze of his arm.<br/>
"Here, I got you something.." Flake fumbled in his pocket and pulled out one of the newly made keychains, with a twined metal B in it "..Paul eh..told us what happened to your earring, this one you can hook to your bag, and if it gets taken away, at least it won't make you bleed.."<br/>
Sven smiled, touched by the gesture, and even more so that by that simple sentence, Flake had told him that Paul had read his letters after all.<br/>
Figuring Flake wasn't a hugging kind of guy, he too squeezed the other's arm, the same Flake had done with him before.</p><p>Kriening now too joined the group, smiling at young Christoph, who again started a version of the tale of his adventures.<br/>
He pulled Sven to the side "Look here Sven, if you want to hang out here that's totally fine. But Aljoscha told Paul to go to the van on his own, so if you want to talk to him.."</p><p>A couple of hours ago Sven wouldn't have been feeling up to it, but the relaxed atmosphere, and the fact that Flake told him Paul had read the letters, gave him enough courage to leave the group and walk to the van.<br/>
He knocked on the door.<br/>
It opened and there was Paul looking at him. This look was a different look than before. Not angry or annoyed...more surprise..</p><p>Paul was indeed surprised. The rest of the group had known Christoph would make another attempt to get Sven out of the house, but they had decided Paul shouldn't know unless Sven wanted it.<br/>
Paul smiled nervously but stepped back to let Sven get in the van, closing the door behind him.<br/>
They stood opposite eachother for a while, both not knowing what to say.</p><p>"I didn't.."  "I shouldn't.."<br/>
They both grinned quickly at having started at the exact same time.</p><p>"Thanks for coming.." "Thanks for being here.."<br/>
Another grin, this time more relaxed, both relieved the other didn't appear angry.</p><p>Paul took a step closer, he could now clearly see traces of bruising on Sven's face.<br/>
He lifted his hand to gently touch Sven's earlobe, where a freshly healed cut was still vaguely visible.<br/>
"That was gone straight away.." Sven bowed his head.<br/>
"I read.." Paul stroked Sven cheek, with his thumb tracing his lip, where another scar had healed.<br/>
Sven usually hated it when people were aware of his injuries, but for some reason with Paul, he didn't mind. He carefully reached his hand to touch Paul's side, and held it there, more to steady himself and have Paul not move away, then anything else.</p><p>Paul again stroked his cheek and hair "I *am* sorry you know.."<br/>
"Don't be, you didn't do this.."<br/>
Paul chuckled, still a bit uncertain "..well, at least for being nasty earlier.."<br/>
Sven smiled, gave Paul's side a soft stroke as a reply.</p><p>Paul reached out, put his arms around Sven's shoulders and embraced him. Sven happily went along with the move, wrapping both arms around Paul's waist.<br/>
Paul gave Sven a quick peck in the neck, then tightened his hug.<br/>
Sven groaned.<br/>
Startled Paul let go "Did I hurt you..?"<br/>
"It's okay.." Sven grimaced "..a little bruising.."<br/>
Paul worriedly looked at Sven "Let me see.."<br/>
This too was something Sven usually avoided, but he felt comforted being here with Paul, so after a little hesitation he opened his shirt.<br/>
Paul was taken aback by the size of the bruise, obviously a fresh one, on Sven's ribcage. When he looked again he saw some more of various colors on his chest and abdomen.<br/>
He gently lay his hand on the new bruise. <br/>
Sven flinched at first, then Paul felt him relax a bit under his hand.<br/>
"Do you want an icepack or something" Paul didn't have much experience with bruising, but knew that icepacks would help.<br/>
Sven smiled, again laying his hand on Paul's side to retain the touch "You hand is nice..that helps.."</p><p>With his free hand Paul again stroked Sven's cheek and neck, before letting it slide back to Sven's neck.<br/>
He leaned in slowly, giving Sven a quick kiss on the lips.<br/>
He moved to lean back, but Sven's hand on his side slide on to his back, as now it was him pulling them both together.</p><p>Again they kissed.<br/>
Slowly.<br/>
Gently.<br/>
Comforting.<br/>
Comfort they both needed after all the doubt, the pain from these past weeks.</p><p>A world away from the passionate kisses they had shared on Hiddensee, but it felt all the more intimate.<br/>
Paul caressed Sven's back, giving him kittenkisses in his neck, then moved back to his cheek and lips. <br/>
Again they hugged, trying to feel as close as they could.<br/>
Sven sighed at the feel of Paul's skin against his own. <br/>
He had been longing for someone to hold him like this, to comfort him, just be there.</p><p>The door of the van flew open and Christoph stepped in, while talking "Hey Sven, we've got to.." he stopped, seeing the two guys kissing and hugging. He blushed "..oh..eh..sorry.." and immediately turned to step out again, closing the door.<br/>
A second later a soft knock "..Sven..Paul..? Are you there?"</p><p>Paul and Sven released their kiss and chuckled.<br/>
"He is such a dumbass.."<br/>
Sven grinned and stroked Paul's side "..don't say that, I like him.."<br/>
"A likeable dumbass is still a dumbass.. " Paul grinned too.<br/>
From outside a muffled voice "Sven, we should go to get you back home in time.."</p><p>His face close to Sven's, Paul gave his friend an eskimokiss, making them both smile.<br/>
"He is probably right you know.."<br/>
"And the band has to play another set.."<br/>
A last kiss before, with a bit of regret, they let go of eachother.<br/>
Sven tucked in his shirt, while Paul gave him one last stroke on the cheek.</p><p>"But do let me know how you are, okay? Just a postcard or something if you don't feel like writing.."<br/>
"I will.."</p><p>-----</p><p>On the ride back Sven felt better than he had in weeks, he laughed at Christoph's stories, the drummer again happily chatting.<br/>
When Christoph all of a sudden fell silent Sven turned to look at him and was surprised to see him blushing "What?"<br/>
"I eh.." the blush now spread over his entire face "..sorry I didn't knock...just now.."<br/>
Sven grinned, thinking he could see how Paul would call him a dumbass again, but he thought it somehow cute "..that's okay..we didn't startle you, did we..?"<br/>
"Well, you know.." Christoph chuckled "..I didn't really think that guys did that with guys.."<br/>
Sven grinned "Sure they do..if you can do that with a girl, you can do that with a guy too.."<br/>
"Yeah?" he seemed a bit puzzled, Sven had a good mind to hug him as well, but decided that probably would be too much of a shock.<br/>
"Yeah.. with the right kind of guy ofcourse.."<br/>
"And Paul is the right kind of guy.."<br/>
Sven smiled the biggest smile he had in a while "..he is to me.."</p><p>"Oh, before I forget.." Christoph fumbled a small envelope out of his backpocket "..here.."<br/>
Sven opened it and found it contained a sheet of stamps and some postcards.<br/>
Surprised he looked at Christoph, who again chuckled a bit nervously "For sending to Paul.. I thought it probably was hard for you to get that stuff at home, so maybe this makes it a bit easier.."</p><p>Sven smiled again, gratefully gave Christoph's hand a squeeze "If Paul ever calls you a dumbass again, tell him I'll come over to whoop his butt.."<br/>
Christoph grinned "I don't think that'll stop him.."</p>
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